Four Ways I Avoid Online Affairs

Posted on | August 11, 2008 |

My father-in-law, a pastor, asked:

“You hear all the time about people starting online relationships that result in offline marriages and affairs. With all the online chatting and counseling you do, how do you protect yourself?”

Every follower of Christ should ask this question. Here is what I do:

Covenant Eyes

If you are on the internet at all, you should use a service like Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes costs about $8 USD per month. After you install their program on your computer, Covenant Eyes emails a bi-weekly report of all your internet activity to your accountability partners. Covenant Eyes isn’t a blocker or a filter, it just reports.

My wife gets all my Covenant Eyes reports. Whenever I click on a link that takes me somewhere unexpected, I pick up the phone and call her. I want her to hear things from me, not from Covenant Eyes!

$8 isn’t too much to pay to guard my heart!

Talk About The Family

I tell everyone online that I’m married. I talk about my wife and my kids. Where possible, I use pictures of my wife and me in my profile. I even have pictures of my kids online. I talk about date night and tell funny stories about the kids.

This cuts out 90% of the unwanted advances and online flirting. I’m not available and never pretend to be. In my experience, if you make your family ‘real’ to people online, it creates a barrier that few are willing to cross.

Wife Participation

I have a ’spidey-sense’ (READ: Holy Spirit) about online intimacy. When someone opening up - if they are a woman - I immediately invite my wife into the conversation. I will say, “You know, my wife has gone through something like that. Do you mind if I share your story with her? Maybe she could read your blog and send you an email.” No one has ever turned down this request. If they did, I would take it as a red flag and back out of the situation as fast as possible. Bringing your wife into the conversation is a huge shield for your integrity.

HALT

I learned an awesome acronym while reading about someone’s struggle with alcoholism. They used HALT to identify their vulnerability to their addiction:

H = Hungry

A= Angry

L = Lonely

T = Tired

If you are any of the above, you are susceptible to sin of any kind. Combinations of these vulnerabilities are more deadly. Do your best to fill these needs. Avoid tempting situations at all times - especially when you experience one or more of the HALT indicators.

Affairs never result in anything good. Ever. They are not worth your time. They will destroy you. Take the time to protect yourself and your family from online affairs.

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